In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my liver is dry heaving
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
