When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
