i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
