Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
