I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
