On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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