Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
