dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
