I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
