I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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