I don't think brook has ever known best
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
