he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
