I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
