my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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