I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
