I'm eating all of the evidence.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
