i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
