just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
