i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
