there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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