Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
