On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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