and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
