Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
