Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
