i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
