I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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