All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
