white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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