i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
