How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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