y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
