shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize