May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
