he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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