this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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