Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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