I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
