there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
