I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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