I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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