the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
