I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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