So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
