it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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