Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
