just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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