Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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