3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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