you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
