well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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