ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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