So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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