dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
