Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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