just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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