I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
