woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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