I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
