So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've blown a few things in my day
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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