Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize