I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
