i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
