I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
