You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
