I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
