Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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