Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
