I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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