Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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