I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
