Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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