I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
